


Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Our Story?

by Active_Imagination



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Hamilton - Fandom, Something Rotten
Genre: Coulson is Hamiltrash, F/M, I wish I could write her better, Rosalind isn't the enemy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-03 23:45:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5311634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Active_Imagination/pseuds/Active_Imagination
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hamilton has saturated my brain. This is based on a nightmare I had that Trip died in a duel defending Coulson's honor. So it's a little bit of emotional and psychological hurt/comfort between Phil and Rosalind, with Hamilton references galore. Spoilers for everything up to S03E08.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Our Story?

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for suicidal thoughts/intentions. 
> 
> I'm also a little insecure over my characterisation of Rosalind. I don't want it to seem like she's only in this story to make Phil feel better, there's so much more to her than that.

Rosalind studied Coulson as he whimpered in his sleep. The sounds he made were hard for her to listen to, but he was curled up so tight that he'd lash out whenever she tried to wake him up. She knew it would hurt him even more if he woke up and saw the bruise he'd given her, so she covered it with make-up, hoping she'd have enough time to make herself look presentable before the nightmare woke Coulson up. She had more time than enough time. Coulson was so exhausted, he was trapped in nightmare after nightmare, and Rosalind witnessed it all.

She only realized that Coulson was awake when the sounds stopped, but there were still tears leaking from his closed eyes. Rosalind cleared her throat, to let the man know she was there. It seemed impossible, but he curled up even tighter.

“Where am I?” Coulson asked, without opening his eyes. 

“Your room. Your base.” She assured him. “You don't recognize it?” Coulson opened his eyes, after wiping them on the childish Captain America bedsheets. Rosalind scoffed as she watched him as he saw everything for the first time. She noted the things his eyes lingered on:

He clutched the pillow absent-mindedly, probably not even realising it was shaped and dyed to appear like Captain America's shield. It was a comfort thing he wasn't allowing himself to take comfort in. A defense mechanism. Phil Coulson had a lot of those.

There was a writing desk that looked pretty solid, probably an antique. Rosalind wasn't an expert, but by the way Phil's eyes lit up, it meant something to him. She could picture him sat there, reading and writing for hours unless he was dragged away. She hoped he had someone to drag him away. Then it occurred to her that maybe he had lost that person. 

There were a few photographs up on the walls, a few newspaper headlines, acts of heroism decorating the room. The words “Quo Vadimus” were spray-painted on there too, and Rosalind wanted to ask what it meant, but she didn't want to press. She could feel Phil trembling beside her on the bed, still recovering from the bad dream. 

“Is this why you put off sleeping?” She questioned, feeling him flinch. Before he could deny her question, she continued, “You worked for a week straight, researching HYDRA, looking for a way to save the people they've used. But how are you supposed to save anybody else when you don't even know how to look after yourself. You passed out in the library. One of the Koenigs helped me drag you here. Your room, Phil.”

“I've never been here before.” Coulson admitted, his voice a hoarse whisper, but at least he was saying something. All Rosalind could do was sigh. The room was a reflection of his psyche, his personality. It was designed by someone who knew him well. The fact that Coulson never spent time there also spoke volumes about his psyche. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” She offered.

“'bout what?” His voice was thick with confusion, so far removed from the man she had gotten to know. 

“About what you were dreaming about? If you want.” She shrugged, as if it wasn't a big deal. She didn't want him to feel more exposed than he already was.

“Why would you want that?” Coulson sat up on the bed, sitting cross-legged and hugging the pillow.

“You still don't trust me.” Rosalind realized, and that stung more than she thought it would. Clearly her voice betrayed that, because Coulson rushed to apologize.

“I'm sorry, it's just... I don't understand why you're... why you... you should hate me for what I said to you. I crossed a line.”

“Yeah.” She acknowledged. “You did. You thought I betrayed you and you got personal.” Coulson looked down in shame. “Which meant it was personal for you. Means you like me.” She teased. 

“I don't expect you to like me back, not after that.” It was clear to Rosalind that she liked him more than he liked himself. “It doesn't matter. I just hope I haven't lost you as an ally. That's what matters.”

“An ally to help you stop HYDRA?” Rosalind asked, and answered with a nod. “We're on the same page with that. Aliens may or may not be the enemy, but HYDRA certainly are. You don't have to fight them alone. You can take a break every now and then.”

“How can I, Roz? Knowing what they're doing, how they're using people? We're going to lose Andrew, and if I sleep it's like I'm not even fighting to save him.” There was a pause, where Rosalind hoped he could see how flawed that logic was, but Phil was tired and he was honest. He believed what he said.

“Is that what you were dreaming about?” Rosalind regretted asking, because she could see the wheels turn in Coulson's head as he remembered his dream.

“No. It was stupid. Didn't even make sense. Just been listening to Hamilton too much.” Phil tried to smile, he tried to dismiss it, but Rosalind wasn't fooled. He was still haunted by it.

“Hamilton? Ouch. Maybe you should do what everybody else does and just listen to Act One of repeat. Unless you're an emotional masochist.”

“It's all intertwined.” Phil replied. “There's so much foreshadowing, and tragic reprises. It's too clever to ignore, even though it's painful. You can't skip it, you can't cut out the bad stuff because then you're cutting out a part of the story. Ignoring someone's death doesn't mean they lived forever. Acknowledging it does.” His voice cracked, and he buried his face in the pillow, his body shaking as it sobbed.

“You know...” Rosalind said, after a pause, “That's pretty profound for something you dismissed as stupid.”

“He didn't die in a duel. I didn't watch him die. I've watched too many people die. It's not the same as losing a son. That's something I will never know. But he was part of a legacy. And I had to convey the loss to his mother.” 

Rosalind had no clue what he was on about, but she was starting to regret taking Phil to see Hamilton. She had no idea how into it he was when she got them the tickets. She spent most of the play watching Phil's reaction rather than watching the show. 

“ 'If I could spare his life/ if I could trade his life for mine/ he'd be standing here right now.'” Phil quoted, singing the lines with the same shell-shocked sadness as Hamilton. 

“'Forgiveness. Can you imagine?'”Rosalind responded, slightly out of key. It didn't matter about the tune, as long as it did make him think about forgiveness, imagine a world where he forgave himself.

“... I have so much work to do.” Coulson dismissed, standing up and looking for where his clothes were kept. He meant it so sincerely, he didn't realise he'd just said what Hamilton said in the play, when he realized John Laurens had been killed. 

“And how can you do that if you're dead?” She challenged.

“What?”

“Would you really do it? Would you give up your life to save Andrew? Lash?” Phil's silence spoke volumes. “Is that what you're planning to do?”

“I'm not sure I can save... save Andrew.” The words sounded callous, and Coulson's face was chiselled. Rosalind knew it was a mask, designed to hide the pain. “But if I have the chance to take out a head of HYDRA, that's worth my life, isn't it?”

“Don't do something you wouldn't ask a member of your team to do.” Rosalind advised.

“I asked Hunter to kill Ward, and that...” That pained him, that was clear. “I don't want anybody else getting hurt.”

“And what about you, Phillip? What if you get hurt? You may not care about that, but … people do.”

“S.H.I.E.L.D will live on, even if I die.” He was so sure of that.

“Without a leader? Without somebody who understands the history, the hopes for the future? The world thinks S.H.I.E.L.D died. You kept it alive through sheer will. People believe in S.H.I.E.L.D because they believe in you.”

“Ward doesn't.”

“That doesn't mean he's allowed to kill you.”

“Doesn't it?”

“No.” Rosalind was firm in that fact. “You don't get to be Laurens in this story. He died for nothing.”

“He died fighting for the freedom of others.”

“He still died. For nothing. The war was practically over. What did his father say? 'His dreams of freedom for these men died with him.' You die, who else will fight for the rights of the Inhumans and humans alike? Most people are biased, but you... you still see the good in everybody. You see potential.”

“I see everybody as a potential threat.” Coulson countered, still blaming himself for what he said to Rosalind.

“Cute, but you should. You've been betrayed enough times to know better. But it just kills you to be that cynical.” Rosalind could read Phil better than he could himself. “It better not kill you. I told you. You're not allowed to be Laurens.”

“Who am I then? I'm not Washington. I don't get to sit under my own vine and fig tree. I don't get to not be afraid. I get to search for scary, and figure out how to make it safe.”

“You don't get to retire?” She questioned.

“Not whilst the world is in danger.”

“I guess it's pretty pointless for me to tell you to Take a Break.”

“It didn't work for Betsy, and you're not Betsy. Nobody could be Betsy. Why marry someone if you're married to the job? I never saw the logic in it.” Coulson admitted without elaboration. Rosalind wasn't sure if he believed that, or it was just something he said to shut people out. But in saying that, he was also letting her in. He was a complicated one, but she enjoyed a challenge.

“I get that we're not married, but come on. I'm at least Angelica. Right?” Rosalind was strongly considering wrestling him back flat on the bed, and trying to take a bite out of him. “You've got to give us 'comma sexting' at least.” Yeah, she'd done her research after seeing how much the show affected him. She wanted to match him for wit and knowledge. 

“'I hadn't slept in a week/ I was weak, I was awake/ You'd never seen a Secret Agent/ More in need of a break/ Missing Melinda/ Who is -not- my wife.” At least the emphasis has meant to be on 'not', but 'my' was the word that stood out. He was probably still thinking about Andrew. “And that's when Rosalind Price walked into my life.”

Rosalind didn't know whether to be offended, to cheer his performance or continue with the song. Instead, she kissed him, delighting when he tentatively kissed her back with confusion. “I'm the mistress who killed your career, huh?” She smirked, stroking his chest. “Hope it was worth it.” She teased, but it was hard to keep up the seductress persona when Coulson smiled and she felt butterflies.

“I'm never gonna be president now.” Coulson flinched slightly, as he said the line, knowing he wasn't cool enough to pull it off. “But I am still Director. My agents may think there's a conflict of interests, but as long as our interests align...” he leaned in so he was flush against her body... “I don't see why there should be any conflict between the ATCU and S.H.I.E.L.D. Merging our assets could be...” a small hip thrust “very beneficial.” Suddenly, Phil stepped back. “In the fight against HYDRA.”

It took Rosalind a few moments to understand the change in tone as she watched Phil get dressed, become the suit he was wearing, as if he wasn't aware that there was a person inside. There was work to do, an enemy to defeat, a world to protect. And because he knew it, he had to do something about it.

“Well, you certainly have Hamilton's work ethic.” Rosalind sighed, concerned. “But don't die like him. Why agree to a duel?”

“Burr wasn't a bad man.” Phil rushed to the other man's defense.

“But Ward is.” Again, Coulson's silence and stillness spoke volumes. “The world isn't wide enough for S.H.I.E.L.D and HYDRA. You can't throw away your shot. You can't let HYDRA win.”

“Ward has filled my Agents with fear and hatred. I'd say he's already won. And I don't know how to change that. I just don't want to see S.H.I.E.L.D corrupted like that again. I don't want to become corrupt, if it's not too late.”

“You'd rather die than live with a little bit of darkness?” Rosalind was getting frustrated. “Tough. 'Dying is easy. Living is harder.' You have to live with it. You're not the only one who has outlived people they care about, Phil.”

“Your husband.” Phil realized sadly, suddenly feeling guilty for ever feeling so reckless with his life. “I'm sorry.”

“I know.” Rosalind accepts. “Most people say it, but they don't really feel it. You do. And it means something. Means his life mattered that little bit more. So you don't have to die to... make a statement, Phil. Just stay alive. That would be enough.”

“No, it's not.” Phil crumpled again. “It's not enough to just survive. You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villain. I'm the villain to Ward.”

“But not to the world.”

“The world thinks I'm dead!” He yelled, before quickly composing himself. “And I'm fine with that. I am. It's harder to protect the world if you're a part of it. I'm fine being a ghost, watching the living, protecting them. But my Agents deserve more. They deserve better.”

Rosalind sighed, before giggling, then laughing even harder at Phil's confused look. “You're erasing yourself from the narrative? God, you are such an Eliza!”

“No, I'm not. She was a hero, a saint. She had her heart broken, she was betrayed, but she still kept loving and believing in people. She started up a private orphanage, she cared. She's a hero.” Phil ranted, oblivious to the fact that the traits he listed, the traits he revered, he also shared. 

“So are you. Just look around.”

“At how lucky we are to be alive right now?”

“No, dork.” She chuckled. “Well, yes. But look at the photos on your wall. Look at the articles. Army Rangers delivering humanitarian aid. Acts of heroism in Hell's Kitchen. Various certificates of participation at soup kitchens. All the stuff about Midtown High. I bet you know the story behind every single one of them. The real story. The one that can't be told, but as long as you're alive the truth won't be forgotten.”

“I like this room.” Phil decided. “I should spend more time in it.”

“Yes, you should.” Rosalind smiled, hoping that maybe he could learn to relax, and that maybe he'd let her help him. Could be fun.

“But I have to get back to work. I promise I won't pull a Hamilton.”

“Forget about him, and the musical. Just be true to yourself, and I know you'll win. You have conviction. You won me over. What's with the face?” Rosalind demanded to know, when she realized Phil wasn't listening.

“Nothing.” Phil replies, even as he started humming under his breath. “Dammit. It's just...” Phil broke into song. “To thine own seeeelf beee trueeee.”

“They turned Shakespeare into a musical now?” Rosalind asked, incredulous.

“What? You never heard of West Side Story? But no. It's about Shakespeare. Ish. Shakespeare is a rockstar. Not everybody can be a rockstar. It's very funny. Well, the soundtrack is. I haven't been able to see the show, because of work. I haven't had the chance. And not because I've been kicking ass as the ambassador to France.” Phil caught himself after another appalling reference “Okay, maybe I need to stop listening to Hamilton.”

“You think?” Rosalind chuckled, finding it rather adorable. 

“I dunno. It makes me feel like I could build an empire, or also die in a duel. But the notion of a nation I get to build kind of gives me life, so... S.H.I.E.L.D isn't a bad notion. I just have to stick around so it's good in practice. I'll find a way to stop HYDRA, and still remain the good guys. To thine own self be true. But with less bad eggs.”

“Is that a Something Rotten pun?” Rosalind raised her eyebrow, as a smile threatened to break out on Phil's face.

“It's a silly show.”

“I'm sold. I want to see it. After we stop HYDRA, I'm taking you. I want to hear you laugh. You fight so hard to protect the world, it's only fair you get to see some of the stories that it comes up with. What do you say?” She almost expected Phil to decline.

“It's a date.” He kissed Rosalind on the lips. 

“Your team still hates me.” Rosalind felt the need to point out, not usually caring what others thought about her, but it mattered with Phil's team.

“'It may take a little more persuading/ For those who think its better that we are apart/ I have no doubt their doubts will soon be fading.'” Rosalind assumed it was too sappy for Phil to continue, so he concluded with his own words. “S.H.I.E.L.D doesn't hate, that's not who we are. I wasn't there for my Agents when they needed me, because I was too busy trying to determine what the ATCU was, a threat or a potential ally.”

“And what did you determine?” She was hooked on his words.

“You've proved your loyalty, Roz. They just don't see it, because I'm the one who failed them. I wasn't loyal to them. We lost a few people, and I distanced myself. They can't trust me, and now I'm bringing strangers into our home.. 

“Isolation is the enemy. Lash is the enemy, but Andrew... is a friend. Ward was an Agent, but he's made himself the enemy, and he's hurt my team too much for me to let them get close enough to hurt him. They don't hate you, Roz. They don't know you. They don't know me any more.”

“You don't know you.” Rosalind pointed out. “And maybe I don't know you, but the guy I see isn't too bad. He's only human.”

“I'm going to earn their forgiveness. We're going to take down HYDRA. We will learn how to be a team again, a family. It's only a matter of time.”


End file.
